Sanjay

A closed room, grey smoke accentuating the grey walls. A bed in the middle of the room and a figure lying almost lifeless. Suddenly fingers move, eyelids flutter and then open slowly. Smoky, dreamy eyes come into view. Sits up, looks into the watch. Its almost 10’ o clock at night. Its been almost 4 hrs Sanjay has been in that room. He reached out his hands for a pack of cigarette. Opened its lid and looked in disbelief. It was empty. He had bought a 10 pack before entering his room. His eyes lingered towards the ashtray. The ashtray was filled to brim with cigarette butts. Slowly lowered his head and let out a sigh. He stood up, scratching his head about what to do. He put on his tracks and goes out to have something to eat. The weather is good outside. Cool wind is blowing. As he steps into the road, his face is swept over by a gush of fresh air. His lungs craving for oxygen. He inhales the air like some fierce beast. Sanjay is feeling much lighter now. Buys some cigarettes on the way. Lights one.  In the dark road lit only by moon, he walks slowly, a cigarette in the corner of his lips, a humming a tune and mind racing.

“I am a loner. But was I always the same?”

The answer came “Yes”. Sanjay always talked less and at times never talked. He loves listening, observing. He could never come to terms with the life he is leading. He always has been like this. Books and movies are his life. Through them he lives.

Books were an age old addiction of him. It was inherited by him from his mother.  He remembers, by the age of 14, he had almost read most of the famous novels and classics in English literature. He was intrigued by Jules Verne. How can a person dwelling in an almost ignorant world could imagine so ahead of his time? His only disappointment is that he had never read any classics of his mother tongue. He had spent most of time outside which was a debacle for him to learn his mother tongue properly.

Movies was a recent addition to his habit. Watching movies made him dream. He could see the world according to his own terms. He could feel the movie. Movies played an important role in clearing some of the smoke in his mind.

Sanjay reaches a small shack which serves food. He saw an empty table and occupies that. Looks around and then orders a plate of ‘Aloo Paratha’. The owner of the shop and another customer sitting in front of me are shouting over the country’s state of affairs. Sanjay feels a burst of hope that there are some who still cares but then hangs down his head because this will always stay till shouting. Nothing will be done. Nothing will they do. He finishes his food, pays the owner and exits the shop.

He lights another cigarette.

“Can’t I do anything? This is democracy. Who is going to stop me?”

 Like others, Sanjay has been compelled to take the path that others traverse. For money, for love, responsibility, duty. These needs to be fulfilled. Bonds and ties have burdened him. He wants to run away, to fly but cannot. He wants to be different like many others before him who have tried to make a difference and succeeded. He has hope. He has faith over humanity. May be someday we will understand.

He reaches home. Undresses. Switches the lights off. Goes to sleep. He is dreaming of a beautiful girl. The girl he has loved and will love.